Mark 4.18.21

Knowing Mark for me was to know the only man who had the capacity for the closest approximation of empathic attunement as my women friends. What a unique gem, and a safe place, a presence in the hardest of the hardest of the underbelly of this crazy human existence.

My observations of Mark and the place of existence where he and I met in our 30+ years of familial affiliation was in the insatiable search for human connection and intimacy. At its best, it was grace, pure and simple. And when life’s hardships interfered, the measure of our connection did not diminish, it just paused, only to be picked up in that holy place of sacred respect that was our foundation.

Our California family accumulated 30 years of precious and tender time with him. He saw and held me through an exhausting and exhilarating and demanding professional life, lengthy, methodical family planning, preconception preparation, miscarriage, gestation, and the eventual birth of our beloved Toni. Not only was he present at labor & delivery for Toni’s entrance to our family, but he bravely transported Toni’s placenta in his backpack through the streets of SF to his freezer in 1998 so that we could plant it under our fig tree. And, he lived with us between Toni’s age 1-3. He was guardian of Toni even before birth, when he and I travelled together to see family in San Diego when I was 6 months pregnant and a train passed between platforms blocking his view of me. He confessed that he was mortified and frightened that I wouldn’t be there when the train finally passed. He was protective.

He softened the enormous stress and strain of a painful divorce, dwelled in the gloriousness and sometimes confusing and always blessed parenting of our Toni, cooked with me, cried with me, ate with me, and did not fear the dive into taboo places of the most intimate discussions about our human condition, which were philosophical, spiritual, and humane. We laughed heartily at every family holiday, every dinner, every ritualized tradition, especially at my sister, Denise’s capacious humor, and her partner Rosie’s accompanying antics. We enjoyed picnics, parades, diaper changing, travel stories, our love for Mexico and Frida Kahlo, good kitchen knives and Le Creuset dutch ovens…

Mark held me and Toni and our family in those yummy warm arms of his as our whole family accompanied my mother to her transcendent passing, and was with me when my dear sister passed suddenly 9 months later, and when 4 other family members passed away that same year. As I pounded on the steering wheel when I got the news of my sister’s death, he sat next to me in the car and gave me every ounce of presence, comfort, silent holding and reassurance that he could as he witnessed me buckle with sorrow. He was unwavering.

He loved me, and he loved Toni. He loved Denise & Rosie. He loved Rod. He loved my nieces and nephew. He just loved. Assiduously. Loved.

He played “Peg of My Heart” on my otherwise rarely used piano. He played that because my dad loved that song. He played that because he loved me, and he knew that it would evoke goodness. What a sweet man.

He visited my mother in her memory care home 3 mornings a week when I could not, to check her blood sugars. And he did that lovingly and enthusiastically. My mother loved him.

My belief is that his soul, his essence, is now where goodness and mercy and truth meet. He now rests in the place that he derived so much fulfillment from comforting the rest of us grieving survivors in-- At Peace.

We spoke the day before he passed. The last thing he said to me was “Marisa, I love you so much”. I said to him then, and I say it now “I love you too Mark”.

And now I say, Thank you, Mark, for everything. For always.

XO

My love & prayers to all of Marks family & friends. I met Mark through my sister, Kathleen.. He was immediately family to us......he was such a nice, kind & great human... he will be missed by many...

I am sending my love and prayers to Mark's family. I knew Mark in Marin and he was just the sweetest, most gentle guy I have met. Everyone loved him and I feel privileged to have had him in my life. I know he is free now, in the loving arms of God. So I get some peace with that thought...but this world will miss his wonderful energy and the love he brought to others. Molly McCormick

I would like to extend my condolences to everyone that loves Mark.

He quickly became a dear friend during our time together at Seasons Hospice. He will be greatly missed.

Mark and I worked together at Hospice by the Bay. He was a kind, gentle man who offered so much support to his co-workers (including me!) and the clients we served. Mark was always willing to do more than was required of him and was fiercely dedicated to helping others. Mark showed incredible strength, patience and resilience over the years, as he coped with a range of challenges. He fought to be well and inspired me as he let me in on some of his journey of healing. Mark's friendship with Kathleen McCann was a beautiful relationship to witness and I am so grateful for what she and they taught me about love.

I send my condolences to everyone who knew and love Mark. I am sure the list is long.

Heather Jolly

I am one of many fortunate people who had the pleasure of working with Mark at Hospice by the Bay. He and I got to know each other well and would enjoy lunch together either outside at the staff picnic table or would walk to a local deli. I was raised in Indiana and we would share our love for the Midwest as well as the SF Bay Area. I lost my only brother in my late twenties and Mark felt like a brother to me. They both had the kindest hearts, regarded the welfare of others over their own, and both demonstrated unconditional love and acceptance of me. I will miss his laugh, his honesty, and his unwavering kindness. My heart goes out to his family. May each of us who experienced Mark’s compassion and unconditional love continue to show that to others as often as we can in his honor.

Mark was an amazing individual who advocated for the patients and families, and worked closely with his colleagues to provide as much support as possible. He was committed to providing the best service, and it was an honor to work side by side with him through the years at Hospice By The Bay. He loved to cook, and he had a passion for telling stories about his accomplishments in the kitchen. I send my deepest condolences to his family and good friend, Kathleen, who always stood by his side.

Mark and I worked side-by-side for a year+ (2006-2007) and then for the same organization (Hospice by the Bay) in different offices for another six.

He trained me when I started. We butted heads on occasion, as we had different ideas about work procedures and work/life balance. But those differences just showed how dedicated he was to his work, and in time we formed a relationship of mutual respect and trust. We were in different cities and didn't see each other much, other than the occasional training class, but I knew that any time we talked on the phone we would pick up right where we left off, cut through the b.s., and catch a laugh. I left hospice before he did, but we stayed in touch and caught a few very nice dinners with the one & only Kathleen McCann that featured unceasing conversation and more laughter and connection.

As fate would have it, Mark and I both left the Bay Area around the same time and went back to our place of origin in the Midwest. We met up once in Indianapolis and talked on the phone after that, discussing how much we missed the Bay Area, a common feeling we shared in our bones. It's hard to believe that was the final real contact, other than a few texts.

My condolences to Mark's family, and to Kathleen, the best friend anyone could hope for. Mark was one of the hardest-working, most conscientious, most straight-up people I've known. He will be missed.

To the Thomas family I am so sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and may His soul rest in peace

Mark and I would talk often about his growing up in Minnesota and my love of fishing in that part of the world. He told me as a child playing in the woods and swimming in the lakes and how his dad would pick the leeches of him afterwards. I truly nice guy and a gentle soul.

I met Mark when he and I worked at Heartland Hospice in Santa Rosa CA, and we continued to work together when we both joined Hospice by the Bay a few years later. Aside from being a valued colleague, I considered Mark a dear friend and someone with great integrity, compassion, and kindness. He was a wonderful advocate to patients and their families. He took his work very seriously, but was always there to lend an ear or help a coworker. I have such good memories of our conversations and our lunches at the local Thai place. Mark was a truly gentle and kind soul, and I will miss him so much.

My deepest condolences to his family.

To The Thomas Family, I am so sorry for your loss. May the Lord find you all comfort during this difficult time.

The world has lost a warm, witty, bright and caring soul at a time when we so desperately need the qualities that made Mark the special person he was and endeared him to his family and friends. Getting to know Mark even better was on my list of “Gotta/Wanna Make Happen” but time ran out. He will be sorely missed on so many levels. Lesson to us all: Find ways to make time for those we hold so close, overcoming geographical and other seemingly insurmountable hurdles. The heart and soul will be rewarded.

I've only known Mark for the last 1.5 years of his life, but he will make an impact on the rest of my life. Mark had a gentle heart that expressed itself through his cooking, love of nature, and the people in his life. He introduced me to the world of succulent plants, and we spent many an hour viewing different varieties and arrangements on the web. Mark cared deeply about the hospice clients and families that his company served; he demanded excellence from himself and his co-workers. He shared with me many stories about his parents, brother, sisters, nieces, nephews, and his goddaughter Antonio who he desperately wanted to visit for her college graduation. With deep sadness, I have lost a best friend; he made several trips to Bloomington to visit my partner and me, and we will miss his kindness and friendship. May Mark's memory continue to be a blessing in the lives of all who knew and loved him. And may he only know peace and love from the One who loves without condition.

I worked with Mark at Seasons Hospice. He was one of the most hard working and dedicated people I've worked with in my entire career. He exuded incredible passion for our patients, families and his coworkers and was committed to nothing less than excellence. It was an absolute honor to work alongside Mark. His presence will be greatly missed.

I am the daughter of Eleanor and Harold Chapman. My thoughts and prayers are with you and family at your time of sorrow.

Years ago when I was in Junior High, living in a little town of Erie, Illinois where my Dad was the pastor. Mark and I spent alot of time together back then. It was a very enjoyable time. I believe we will meet again. David Ramsay

We never got a chance to meet Mark, but we felt like we new him through his loving and devoted parents. Our deepest condolences go out to Terry, Janice and the rest of the family.